you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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