I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
