is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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