Nicole vs. Life
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
