He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
