Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
