I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
