somebody snuck up and got me drunk
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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