having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think your dad took our porno
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
