Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
