her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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