You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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