If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
