Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
