So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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