so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
