for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
