She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
