How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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