She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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