And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
