i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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