do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
