i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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