Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
