Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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