she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
