Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
