Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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