You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
