weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize