Pappa wants mamma naked
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
