Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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