I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
