It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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