Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
