I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
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Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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