i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
