so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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