Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i believe in u and ur pee
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
