you didnt know i had herpes?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
as a side note pls kill me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
