My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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