I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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