I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
