Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
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So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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