the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is the high leading the old right now
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
