Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
