So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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