how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
