hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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