Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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