the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
