You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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