Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
