My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
