I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
