In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
