We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I will pee on everything he values.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
