come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
