I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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