proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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