I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
