I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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