Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
40s are totally the cure
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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