So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
