Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
