Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
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I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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