It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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