winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
