I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
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separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday