how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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