My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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