The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
