I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize