MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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