Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
