i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
