just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
