nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
