U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize